i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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