even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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