he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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