Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
