I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There are leaves in my underwear?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
