Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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