Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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