Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this boner is exhausting
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
