pedialite and red bull = repair kit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
