Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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