Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
