I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
