I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
