I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i will never coherently bang her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
