I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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