Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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