is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
