all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
