They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
