Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
