I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
