walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
