I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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