i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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