Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
