Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
