If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
