UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
