hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
