got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need water and some morals
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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