We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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