You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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