i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize