Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
