Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
