This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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