I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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