just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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