Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
