Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
