long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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