i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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