The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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