What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
