Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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