Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my being single is dangerous.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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