i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
