you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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