I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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