dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
