I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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