Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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