The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
