No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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