I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
