last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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