the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
