I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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