The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we're so committed to being not committed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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