$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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