yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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