I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
