Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
